Laughing Through Life: Haha the Clown's Path to Self-Discovery
- Taylor Duff
- Feb 17
- 4 min read
Updated: 2d
Written & Photos by Taylor Duff
Haha The Clown merges self-expression and personal growth through clowning, inspired by their initials. Initially driven by a love for performance art, Haha delves into identity and mental health, embracing their non-binary identity. Clowning helps remove expectations and accept mistakes, fostering connection and joy in a challenging world.
The Evolution of Haha's Persona
Haha explains, "'Haha' comes from my birth initials. After legally changing my name, I am now truly myself." Initially, clowning wasn't the main attraction, but Haha discovered it allowed for self-expression. They state, "I've learned to let go of all expectations. Clowning is about removing these expectations and approaching things differently." For Haha, clowning embodies vulnerability and humility: "We're human, we make mistakes, feel silly, but those moments are humbling. It's important to embrace and laugh at them."
Embracing authenticity has led Haha to a new understanding of their feelings and identity. "Many negative feelings came from internalizing unwanted things. Now, I'm candid and embrace who I am, facing life with fun and laughter." Through art, Haha feels empowered to express themselves without words. "I've learned to accept who I am, and my artistic expression reflects my feelings and vision for the world," they add.
Haha discussed their evolving persona, stating, "I used to do a lot of drawing, painting, and embroidery. Over time, I realized everything can be art. So, I stopped focusing on creating art and instead became the art myself." This shift led Haha to embrace performing, seeing themselves as a canvas for expression. Their performances are often improvised, using an eclectic mix of materials and influences. "I get almost everything secondhand. I recently discovered the term 'Assemblage Artist,' which fits perfectly. It's about being eclectic—finding items and creating art from them. I combine those items, but I am also the artist." This reflects Haha's focus on authenticity and individuality over perfection or conformity.
Public Performance and Audience Engagement
Haha performs in public spaces because they believe art should be free and accessible, not limited to fine art spaces with gatekeeping. Busking allows Haha to engage directly with the community. They perform near a grocery store, capturing the attention of passersby and offering moments of joy.
Audience interaction is crucial to Haha, but not traditionally. "I try to say as little as possible. It's about allowing imagination in my engagement. I use emotion as my primary language, sparking curiosity and interaction." Haha aims to create a connection, not explain the performance. "The best part is when people smile, even if they don't fully understand. It's wonderful to provoke joy."
Most reactions are positive, but Haha admits to having a fear of clowns. "If people seem uncomfortable, I give them space. If someone doesn't respond, I don't push it." They add, "Focusing on bright colors and light-heartedness, I've mostly received positive reactions."
Humor, Grief, and Personal Growth
Haha's work balances humor with deeper, often somber messages. "It's hard sometimes, given the weight of the world. I started busking and performing for the community after the COVID pandemic, during a time of collective grief. Bringing humor and joy to public spaces became my way of offering relief." Haha notes that humor can coexist with sadness, saying, "I often wear a tear on my face because I've learned to embody joy through grief. For me, it's about balancing humor and sadness. We laugh, we cry—it's all part of the experience."
Clowning has been crucial to Haha's personal development. "Clowning has been everything to me. On my worst days, I've forced myself to perform, shifting the focus from myself to connecting with others." This commitment to authenticity and connection is central to Haha's evolving clown persona.
Beyond clowning, Haha is a certified life coach. "Being a life coach has taught me about listening and seeing people, helping me accept myself and hold space for others." This understanding influences their art, prioritizing connection over perfection.
On social media, Haha is reserved, preferring real-life interactions over an online presence. They prioritize genuine experiences over curated digital personas.
While Haha primarily performs solo, they have collaborated with other artists and clowns in the past. "I enjoy collaborating with others to help bring their visions to life," they explain. They were involved with Clownbloc, an anti-militarist clown group focused on activism. "It was fun. I wish I had more space for the group, but it's very active, and I hope to get more involved again in the future," Haha shares. "But for now, I'm happy with the work I'm doing on my own."
Collaboration, Community, and Future Aspirations
Haha envisions a future where clowning is central to their life. "I'd love to perform full-time, though I know it's a big ask. As long as I'm doing it, I'm happy. I want to be more involved in community events, but I try not to set too many expectations. It's about doing the work, not meeting external standards."
Haha's journey exemplifies embracing one's true self, finding joy in vulnerability, and using art to connect with others. As a clown, they balance humor with deeper emotions, offering joy and reflection. Whether performing or reflecting, Haha's message is clear: Art embraces the full spectrum of human experience, fostering connection.
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